A Little Hard-Earned Affection

Elia

I’ve been trying to get Elia to smile for days now. I first noticed his general distaste for facial emotion when I was pushing him on the swings and one of the other kids swung sideways and collided with him midair. Poor Elia crumpled on the swing and hid his face in his arm. He was so quiet that I couldn’t tell he was crying for a minute. I caught him and stopped the swing, and tried all the normal methods of consoling a small child (he’s 4), but he wasn’t interested in hugs or attention. He just wanted to hole up until he was better. After a while he uncovered his face. I asked if he wanted me to push him on the swing, and his only response was a slightly raised eyebrow. I asked if he wanted a big push and he moved his chin from left to right only once to signify “no”, and returned to staring off into the distance. I asked if he wanted a little push and he again raised his eyebrows. So I gave him a little push and established our non-verbal code for swing communication.

Normal impassible stare

The next day Danielle and I were working on getting the kids to say “please”, and on principle refused to push kids on the swings unless they added the magic word to their normal chorus of “I want a push!” This put Elia in a bit of a bind, since he had obviously taken some kind of vow of silence. He expressed his displeasure in the normal way: by expressing nothing.

Rare look of surprise

The only part of his face that moved were his intense little eyes, which followed me around the playground as I pushed all the other kids, who had by now mastered the word “please”. His sober, immobile face nearly broke us, and we were about to push him when I leaned in real close and he finally whispered, “Push please.” I rewarded him by giving him the biggest under-dog push I could muster, and when I looked back the left side of his mouth was slightly raised. It almost looked like a smile! But when he saw me looking at him, he quickly rearranged his features to be unreadable.

There's a smile :)

I believe this experience broke the ice, because half an hour later Elia was using me as his own personal jungle gym and giggling maniacally as he and Arsene climbed up and down my legs to the cement platform where a group of us were watching the afternoon soccer match between the older kids. And now every time I see him he sneaks me a little smile.

Cuddling up on the bench behind me during library time